Montag, Juni 18, 2007
One little missed call.I got a missed call today.
My heart skipped a beat when i saw the name flashing on the screen.
"Mummy". My mummy for the past decade. So much more than an aunt, she was my mummy when i had none.
Lies, betrayal, tears. I don't know what to feel anymore.
Is it wrong to envy others for a seemingly "normal" life?
Is it heartless to leave everyone behind in pursuit of the so-called "normality"?
It feels so.
I want what i want. A life of music and stars, and as much happiness as i can squeeze in.
I want to smile and feel the warmth in my eyes.
i want to feel.... right again.
I can't.
I got a missed call today.
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What happens when you can't forgive?
Grow up, the know-it-alls tell me. Forgive and forget. After all, no one's perfect.
Yes that's so true. But tell me, which would be more childish? Telling yourself umpteen times that you can and will forgive, or admitting to others that you can't?
She couldn't not do me wrong. She couldn't not lie to me, make use of me, couldn't not label me a jinx when her marriage failed.
And now, i cannot forgive.
And then?
You go out and buy yourself some cotton candy. You pretend to be happy, and after a while you really are.
At least for a while.
You know, at this moment i'm thinking - to hell with what doesn't break you makes you stronger. I really do hope no one has to go through the pain of divorce in the family, that they don't ever have to grit their teeth and bear with abuse of any kind. Yes, i know it won't stop happening just cos i'm sitting here wishing that, but i did say hope, didn't i?
Something to say? =)
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