Samstag, Juni 17, 2006
Too perfect?A few years ago, i ended a relationship in the worst way possible. Pulled the disappearing act - *poof* and that was it.
Terrible right? :(
If i had blogged about this a few months ago i would probably attempt to justify my actions with a million reasons, i was too young, i was scared, he didn't have a hairy chest etc etc.
Just as life would have it, the past came calling last week. From what i heard, he had left the country for work shortly after the relationship ended, but apparently he's back and somehow managed to get hold of my new mobile no. My heart gave a hard thump when i saw his name. Guilt? Fear? Fear of guilt?
It was pretty clear that things would never go back to where they were again, at least not after what i did. Light-hearted small talk quickly led to an awkward silence and i knew it was time to at least attempt closure. Stuttered and stumbled over my words, (argh i can never find the right thing to say!) and his attempts to soothe me only made it worse.
Him: It's all good babe, i just need to know why....
Then it dawned on me. He always knew the right thing to say or do. In a way, he was flawless, and i couldn't handle that. This is ridiculous. firstly no one is flawless, and 2ndly, what's wrong with that?
But i did feel that he was too perfect. And as a young girl with too many imperfections and so much to learn, nothing felt deserved, and that was the main reason it didn't work out.
Am i making sense?
Gosh I really, really suck at this.
Something to say? =)
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