Donnerstag, März 30, 2006
ChoicesOk firstly,
I have no idea who this tony guy is. Whoever you are, you're super tao3 hong1 lor. haha. [ those of u who know hokkien ;) ].
Anyways, went home a few days back and learnt from my aunt that my mum has been spotted in SG with her 2 sons. It's just so weird, just some weeks ago i was seriously wondering if i'll bump into her in Shanghai (yes i know the chances are like 0.0000000001%, but you never know.) , and here she is, practically less than a stone's throw away from me.
Somehow she contacted one of our childhood friends, and told him that my sister and i are to call her. If that is not crazy, i don't know what is. So, after 9 years of physical abuse and 12 years of abandonment , she expects her 2 daughters to call her. Call you? And then what? tearful reunion? My sister simply scoffed and dismissed the idea with a wave of her hand. Siao, she said. Just ignore her lah.
I wish i can be that cool.
I know i'm being a sentimental fool by even blogging abt this, but i just can't help it. There's no question to what she wants from her grown daughters. (especially to those who know her). It's very likely that she has been living here all along in Singapore, yet she chose not to contact us. As an adult i'm sure one should be acutely aware of the choices, he/she makes. She chose to move on, and It took us a while, but we did too. Acknowledging us again after 12 long years when she knows both me and my sis would already be financially independent, yup thats my dear mummy. And my sister's right. Did she really think that we were gonna forgive and forget and then shower her with cash?
People pay for their actions. Just like a moment of distraction can kill a pedestrian, her selfishness diminished our love and respect for her . And there's no point meeting each other when i see her face everyday. All i have to do, is look in the mirror.
I'm not writing this for sympathy, nor do i need advice from smart alecks who believe that all parents love their children (wake up pls. the world is not divided into loving parents and evil childless people.)
Just have to let it out, and remind myself that i'll marry someone like mr brown, love my kids so much that i'll cry at all their firsts - first words, first step, first day at school. i'll pin up all their silly drawings, cook their favourite dishes, and shower them with hugs everyday.
You know, be the mum i never had. ;P
Something to say? =)
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