Dienstag, Februar 21, 2006
Love you for you.Recently i got news that one of my friends have been sleeping around in exchange for branded gifts and money. I have absolutely no idea whether this piece of information is true, but the just the thought that it might be makes me sad...
I had this friend whom i used to club frequently with. We've drifted apart since then, but a wonderful person she is, always helping me fend off pushy guys in clubs, and not to mention an awesome drinking buddy. But she had this habit of sleeping around, which bothered me quite a fair bit. Spoke to her about it, but nothing really came out of the discussion. Sex with random strangers was a temporary emotional fulfillment for her, which the feeling of being wanted ends the moment the guy finishes and rolls over. She would then pick up her clothes and leave, with a heart as empty as before. I still remember looking at the tiny mole below her left eye as she told the story; she teared, and i laughingly told her that people with moles near the eyes are supposedly crybabies, and in her case it cannot be more true, especially the baby part. She laughed, then cried somemore and it was that moment that i saw her for the person she really was - a little girl who's just lonely and scared.
We made a deal that night. No more sleeping around for her, and no more Mcspicy doubles for me (i was ballooning at a very scary rate). We shook on it, and exchanged the longest hug ever. Things went on fine till i received her call at 1am a few nights later. In a small voice she apologised and hung up the phone. After countless failed attempts to reach her, I smsed her and threatened to stuff 100 Mcspicy doubles down my throat. No reply. She replied only a few days later and said that as much as she appreciates me being there for her, this was what she wanted to do. And that was that. I called her umpteen times, but to no avail... and we have not spoken since. She didn't want help, and thus i am helpless.
I must admit, i'm not the smartest of girls. For a long time, i wondered why....i am still wondering, and i don't think i will ever understand. You can give tons of reasons for yr actions, really. Broken family, abusive father, financial problems, or maybe just plain materialism. It will gather sympathy from people, but at the end the day, the only person you would have to account to is yourself, and you know that no reason nor excuse would ever be enough to justify, for you're precious.
It's your body, your soul. If you don't treasure it, no one will.
Something to say? =)
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