Sonntag, November 06, 2005
Random silly thoughts that doesn't make sense.Sometimes i wonder what people spend their whole lives looking for. A few months ago i went for an SIA interview. I applied on impulse, and didn't place much hopes nor importance on getting through, but yet the experience was unnerving. Some of those who got eliminated burst out crying, while i looked on in disbelief. Remarked casually to the lady beside me that all the girls in the room were at least diploma holders - so what if they didn't get the job? Then i started to get really freaked when she informed me that this was the fifth time she's here for the interview and that being an SIA girl was her lifetime dream. Got called back for a third round; apparently they call it the kebaya round - i didn't show up.
When i was young, all i wanted to be was a tough bitch-lawyer. On my fifteenth birthday i wished for a guy who'll love me for who i am, pimples, nail biting habit and all. I spent my 18th birthday with someone who used to be special - and i wished for him to be happy. Well that kind of came true, i was cheated on cos i wldn't put out, so i guess he was happy, at the expense of my misery.
Since then, i think i've been looking for something/someone whom i don't know. Is it a feeling, a person, or a job? It doesn't make sense, but when you're standing in the middle of a shopping mall and even though you've got places to go and people to meet, all you wanna do is sit on the bench outside ZARA and watch the world go by - that's when you know you're looking. And it's scary when you have no idea what you're looking for - you start to doubt its existence and what if, what if you never find it? Or maybe you had it but lost it somehow, and you don't know what - i've lost so many things and people in my life, which is it?
I think i think too much. ;P
Recently a couple of people asked if i'm looking for a relationship. My reply was if looking doesn't equal being ready, yes, i'm always looking. It might not be neccessarily romantic; things like that are more trouble than they're worth, and its hard to meet new ppl when you no longer have to introduce yourself.
Hi i'm Sandra.
Yes i know, Sandralicious right?
I've been taught to live my life the way most people do. Study, get a job, get married, have kids, all that jazz. It feels safe, going down this route, but it makes me wonder if people really want to do that, or do they go through this routine of life because they think they should? I should get married eventually, i should have kids because people say that a family wouldn't be complete without one. Should is a six-letter bad word, really. It's quite sad when a guy's marriage proposal is an application form for a HDB apartment, and you realise the world is screwed when people sigh pre-nuptial agreements - why do they plan for divorce even before getting married? Pls don't tell me just in case, protection blah blah. It will not serve as extra motivation for the marriage to work, nor will it prevent your heart from breaking if the marriage shall end.
Readers who've been following my blog long enough would realise that i'm in one of my ranting moods now, and i think that's enough for now. Email me if you would like to talk more about it. Kind of been going through all my emails, and i'm actually starting to reply the ones dated from September onwards. Lazy Sunday afternoon. :)
Something to say? =)
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