Sonntag, Oktober 03, 2004
Sometimes, a slap is just exactly what you need to get back to reality. I was slapped today. real hard.They say that with pain, comes enlightenment. But they didn't mention that before the enlightenment part kicks in, comes denial, anger, frustration, self-reproach, and yes, the ultimate no-no emotion - hatred. Well, in my defense, hatred is not all that bad. In truth, you wouldn't even begin to hate if you didn't care. And there's no point pretending that you're all magnanimous and forgiving when you can happily throw the hatee into a tank of piranhas. But thats another story. ( FYI: Hater --> person who hates. Hatee - person being hated )
Anyway, back to my self-destruction process. It's ironic, how the pain can be so excruciating and yet so exquisite, like a crystal vase. And as much i hate to admit it, part of me welcomes the denial phase with open arms, for the simple reason that i can pretend to be oblivious to the cruel facts presented. Perhaps alike to wearing layers of a cushioned suit in a room full of needles. But as the layers peel off, one by one, one begins to wonder : WHY?? Yup that's the question everyone asks when a disaster befalls, be it a broken nail or a broken heart. This is where the anger sparks off, and proceeds to burn ferociously like a raging fire. Why ME?? I do not deserve that!
Thank God for my sanity. Or what's left of it. Anger is reduced to cold, hard ashes, and it slowly seeps out, with a loud, satisfying SLURP. Self-reproach is often viewed as one of the sure-die ways to live, but we get away with it, by using the most commonly-used excuse in life " Hey, I'm only human". Here it goes... "Did i do something wrong? Maybe its my fault". Sanity puts up a brave fight but loses the battle. And self-esteem goes way way down. And unlike hurt, which is comparable to a sharp thin knife slicing through one's heart, self-reproach leaves a low, dull thudding pain.
Did i mention, that hatred comes with a twist of bitterness. Sounds like a cocktail drink in a bar? one swig and one starts cursing and swearing, wishing for that person's retribution or karma, wadeva they call it, to come ASAP. be eaten alive by cockcroaches. like NOW. and i'm being kind here.
and finally, the long-awaited enlightenment arrives. Ahhhhhhh. Life is officially wonderful again. One realises that without pain, we wouldn't fully appreciate joy, and the things we have. THATS ALL CRAP. To put it in layman's terms, do we need to scald ourselves with hot water to know that it hurts? Even a 9-year-old kid would know better. A better explanation would be that pain serves as a reminder of not to treat life as a bed of roses, but to look out for roses among the pile of shit. Understanding comprises more of knowing not WHY things happen, but DUH it happened, so MOVE ON. Resignation of fate and learning to live with imperfections, and hopefully make the right choices in future. and one learns to smile again. However, 80% of human mistakes are repetitive, and that's what makes us go "ahh life's a bitch". I wld prefer "life's a bastard".
Human emotions are delicate. That is the beauty of it. The question is, how much can a heart feel? I felt all of the above, all in one day.
| | Permalink
A Picture Speaks a Thousand Words
Darlings
Adalene
Bernard
Brownie
Calmie
Celly
Chai Jing
Dee-Dee
Doggy
Dot
Elaine
Fang
Iannie
Ivan
Jaco
Jason
J Schnorng
Junius
Jun
Maddie
Miyagi
Nad
Nelle
Nita
Pammie
Rachel
Roo
Shu Hui
Simon
Syiqin
Vonnie
Xinyi
Xiuyun
Reach Me at
Others
Add Me to your Friendster!
My Technorati Profilewww.flickr.com
This is a Flickr badge showing public photos from Sandralicious. Make you own badge here.
